It still is.
Showing posts with label WTF. Show all posts
Showing posts with label WTF. Show all posts
19 March 2008
22 February 2008
09 February 2008
Close second to the best thing ever.
Via boingboing.net.
NEWS FLASH!
King of Assholes is being delayed due to technical difficulties. Linux is so unforgiving when it comes to dubbing sound into a video clip. However, there appears to be hope in the OpenMovieEditor project.
27 December 2007
An orange...
...fit for the Goatse to eat.
Yes, I own this horrifying orange. It may have cracked the lens of the camera that was used. I know I felt a cold wind when I turned my back on this hideous bastard.
If you don't get the joke about the layout or goatse, you can still save yourself by never looking at the internet again.
OMGZ I MADE A WAYB SITE!
05 December 2007
02 December 2007
25 November 2007
21 November 2007
UPS=Urinal-Poop Service
Holy damn and hell do I hate UPS. I hate UPS so bad I might staple my nut sack to my face so I don't have to look at my tracking page any longer. For those of you not personally acquainted with me or have no reason to hate UPS, here is how they left something else big and brown, besides a truck, in my life:
On November 12th, I decided it was finally time to buy a Chumby. You know, that cute internet TV device that everyone should be talking about. I forked over my ~$180.00 and started waiting... and waiting... and waiting. By the 16th (when it originally should have been delivered), I checked the tracking page and nearly had a coronary. My Chumby had made two fucking trips across the Pacific Ocean. Two. Not one. Two.
At that point, it was in Kentucky. Kentucky would now become the primary place of residence for my computer-in-a-laundry-bag. By the end of that day, it had finally made a trip to Salt Lake City. I thought my worries were over. Then it went back to Kentucky.
I gave UPS's Kentuckites the benefit of the doubt. "It must have been a logistic error in customs. I'll bet it hasn't left yet." On the nineteenth, it got an arrival scan in Salt Lake City. I was relieved that I would receive my Chumby soon.
Then it went back to Ken-fuck-me again.
It went back to Salt Lake.
It went to Kentucky to get it's snow-plow on again. (Four (4) times, for those not counting.)
Needless to say, I was so pissed I started urinating all over my desk and everything around me in a ferocious rage. I was screaming shit like, "QUIT PLAYING LONG-DISTANCE KEEP-AWAY WITH MY CHUMBY! YOU ASS HOLES!" It was a titanic mess.
After being released from police custody for assaulting a tree with a golf club (the tree dropped the charges), I called up UPS to see why they wouldn't give me my damn toy. The representative assured me, "I am pleased to inform you, Mr. Alex, that your package has not been lost."
That is verbatim what they said. Mister Alex. That would have pissed me off, but I like the sound of Mister Alex. It's an excellent porno-actor or else pro-wrestler name. But, that's beside the point. I explained that I would not go to Kentucky once, let alone four times, but they seemed unsympathetic. They told me to call them back once it said "ARRIVAL SCAN" at Kentucky so they could catch it and put it on a truck to my house instead of, you know, Vancouver.
So, distraught, I called up the people at Chumby. I spoke with a very helpful gentleman (who, unfortunately, did not address me as Mr. Alex) who said that he would put a trace on my package so they could file a claim once my Chumby was in Fiji and get me a new, less cosmopolitan Chumby.
UPS comes to your house and shits all over your expectations when you ask for that thing that you ordered.
Don't believe me? Well here's a link to my package's tracking page.
Update:
:(
I have to wonder what else is missing/illegible/eaten/exploded.
Update #2:
Chumby has arrived in all of its Chumbalicious glory. The Kentuckites treated it quite well, not a cut, scratch or scrape on its soft exterior. In a way I am surprised that my Chumby wasn't on fire when it arrived. Pleasantly surprised. However, under the circumstances, I still have to recommend UPS as a parcel service if you feel the need for some shit to go down in your life.
The Chumby itself? It's amazing. If you are a geek or even half a geek, you need to own one. It is just such a neat little gimmick that can occasionally be used for practical purposes, that you can't avoid touching it, shaking it or doing other unspeakable things to its plush exterior. I will try and cobble together a complete review on it, but one can already guess the outcome:
:D
02 November 2007
01 November 2007
Observation #1
I enjoy Tecate because:
1. It's the only decent thing that comes in a 6-ring anymore and I fucking hate seals.
2. It looks like I'm drinking a can of Coca-Cola from a distance.
3. It's in, like, every grocery store on the face of the Earth.
4. You can make fun of wealthy Corona n00bs.
5. It's the only thing that says "Hencho en Mexico" that probably wasn't produced in a sweat shop.
FACT!
If Depeche Mode was from Mexico, they would probably drink it too, since Depeche Mode is so god damn awesome that nobody likes them because they are so jealous of how fucking incredible Depeche Mode is.
Non-sequitur post brought to you by the Advocates for Tasty-Beverage Council.
13 October 2007
Jesse James
Wow. In terms of the bad karma all the shiznas put together will receiver, this incident beats out anything we've done. If our instant-messaging follies were the Spanish-American War, this was the Holocaust:
I'll let it speak for itself:
Link, via BoingBoing
...Janna knows this guy named Jesse, and she thinks he and Audrey would get along. She “introduces” them online, and they hit it off. Jesse is an amazing dude, a volunteer fireman, a cowboy, a tortured poet, a man with a past. He has an ex-wife he speaks of fondly, and a son. He lives on a ranch with llamas. He’s got posttraumatic stress disorder from having been in New York on 9/11. He knew some of the firemen who died, or something. An exceptional man. He and Audrey just click, in that special way we all hope can happen someday.This article is by far the most interesting example of the shear terror of the reality of online "hook-ups" I have ever read. Best of all, I guess the writer of a History of Violence suffered from bad-movie-karma and decided to write this fantastic article up.
I'll let it speak for itself:
Link, via BoingBoing
Wheeeee!
There is something adorable about an Armalite that was born this stupid looking. The shear impracticality of a gun like this puts JG's Folding Stock AK Beta to shame. From RedWolf Airsoft:
G&P Stubby Killer
A wonderful CQB weapon - that's what this G&P Stubby Killer is! It features their latest Stubby Front End Set, which helps keep the length down to 550mm. The HK416 Type Fixed Stock allows a large battery to be used and the SPR Grip is pretty comfortable (for right-handed people). Another recent product of G&P's also features on this gun - the Zombie Killer Metal Body. The body features skull logos on both sides, with "Pray", "Psalm" and "Asperges" where safe, semi and full are normally seen. It also features a quote from the Bible: "Then he called his twelve disciples together, and gave them power and authority over all devils, and to cure diseases".
Link.
01 October 2007
Halo 3 is the Best Game EVAR (unless you played it)
I have noticed an interesting phenomenon surrounding Halo 3. With it being easily the most over-hyped video game in existence (it had it's own flavor of Mountain Dew, for Christ's sake), the hype seems to continue right into the reviewing process--even after reviewers had to play the mother fucker!
Take a look at MetaCritic. Their reviews on Halo 3 are almost all perfect for the major game reviewing sites. Gamespot gave it a very pretentious 9.5 and some gaming magazines and periodicals gave it perfect scores (indicating they believe it is the perfect game above all others). However, if you scroll down to user reviews, you will notice that actual average, every day video game players think it stinks compared with everything else available on the 360, like the incredible Bioshock.
Now, I haven't played this game myself since I don't even own a 360, so you must take my word with a grain of salt, but it seems like the hype has somehow outlived playing the game. It's incredible that this is happening, since most game news sites are around specifically to buffer from fan boys. We are now seeing a turn around, the fan boys are now aware of their surroundings (!) and the game sites are earning lots'a revenue from advertising.
I am probably just paranoid, but I noticed that another game that barely came out had the opposite reaction: Quake Wars. I must warn you that I am a Quake fan boy, so I welcome all Quakes with open arms no matter how shitty they are (well... I didn't really buy into Quake 3 until some mods were firmly established). Game Spot was somewhat abusive towards the game. They gave it an 8.5 for a lack of voice chat and not liking the simplistic key bindings, something I'll really enjoy since I HATED binding keys in Battlefield 2. The users, however, rated the game the same or higher for how it played. It is the squad-based shooter that 2142 was supposed to be.
Before I can pass any further judgment on Halo 3, I will have to play it. However, I see it similar to the Penny-Arcade excerpt above. It's a chore I am putting off after buying a 360.
29 September 2007
Worst Sex Scenes Known to Man!
Some movies have excellent love scenes, like 300 (no shit), the Last Samurai, or Lost Highway. Then there are some movies that, unfortunately, have sex scenes. Don't get me wrong--I like a good love scene as much as the next guy, but some movies have just HORRIBLE sex scenes that ruined the movie. I decided that compiling a list of the worst sex scenes would let audiences know that, indeed, there is a reason for the fast-forward button on their remotes.
I began to research the subject and discovered the Post Register had already compiled a list of the top ten worst sex scenes. However, I noticed that there were some movies not even mentioned that had far worse love scenes! Not only that, but many of these were in fact cheesy romance movies, where an awful sex scene is to be expected. Such is not the case with the movies I watched...
So without further delay, the eight worst sex scenes ever:
NUMBER EIGHT:
The Matrix Reloaded
The Register was accurate in giving this spot a place on the list. There is a sex scene that boggles the mind. Ted--I mean Neo--gets it on with Trinity inside the Motel 6 of the future while a Cave Rave happens just outside their door. Ridiculous? Yes. Just not anymore ridiculous than the rest of the movie. I gave it number 8 because it was another one of those occasions where a director put something into a movie just to make sure it got an R-rating.
Thankfully, there is nothing terribly notable about the sex scene other than Bill is not present with a camcorder.
NUMBER SEVEN:
The Stand
Alright, it's not really a movie, but it was almost short enough to be counted as one. Anyway, even though this piece of shit was made for TV, they still forced in a sex scene. I know you might be scratching your head asking, "how is that possible?!" Quite frankly, they cut the naked-ness out and just left the bad-ness.
Uber villain, Randall Flagg, is getting ready to put the moves on character Nadine Cross. However, instead of foreplay, he decides turning into a monster would help set the mood.
Number SIX:
Killing Me Softly
Wow this movie blew. I could barely sit through it. MASSIVE piece of shit. Unlike other movies in this list, however, it didn't even need the awful sex scene to ruin this movie.
A young, attractive girl from the US named Alice (Heather Graham) moves to Britain and falls in love with a footy-loving gentleman. However, not ten minutes into the film, she has sex with a mountain-climbing douche bag named Adam (Joseph Fiennes). At the end of the movie, we discover Adam was also fucking his sister and his sister tries to kill Alice. (?)
Anyway, the awful sex scene entails Alice being choked with an incredibly long strip of silk, mid-coitus. The scene also took place on the grounds of his family's church. Not only that, but she narrates the experience to an overly-sober police inspector, along with other elements of her abusive relationship.
Fantastically crappy.
NUMBER FIVE:
Showgirls
I didn't watch the entire movie, so I cannot comment, but I did watch the scene below:
Replay video | Share video | Watch more videos |
I laughed. I'm sorry, this scene is terrible, but it is mostly harmless. However, I also didn't have to sit through an entire crappy movie, so I may be biased. But, this may be one of the funniest, albeit least erotic, scenes ever caught on film. I can see why it earned number one on the Post Register's list of worst sex scenes.
NUMBER FOUR:
A History of Violence
The movie honestly looks good on the cover, so long as you are drunk/stupid/willing to believe anything. A former hitman (Viggo Mortensen) brings up his family in rural America. As a result, he gets it on with his late thirties wife (Maria Bello) while she wears a cheerleader outfit. They could have let it go there, but the former hitman decides that bowling his lady over onto the bed and viciously 69ing through the cheerleader outfit is a brilliant idea. And I mean viciously.
Then his son shoots Ed Harris on their front lawn.
NUMBER THREE:
Brokeback Mountain
I'm going to receive so much hate mail for this. But this firmly belongs in the middle of this list. It possesses certainly not the worst sex scene I have ever seen, but it is indeed awful. So, before I continue, I hold no biases or prejudices towards the LGBT community, just this movie.
This movie could have been about a forbidden romance between two sheep farmers that grew up and got jobs. In fact, that was what it was about when you read the back cover. However, they also felt it was necessary to depict the single worst sex scene that eclipses the entire movie. This single scene should be skipped from the movie if at all possible. I am not kidding you, it's terrible. In fact, you may want to even skip my synopsis.
About a half-hour into the movie, Heath Ledger and Jack Gyllenhaal escape to their single tent to escape the elements. A few seconds later. Heath Ledger rips Jack's pants off, bends him over, spits on his hand to grease his John Thomas up and then penetrates Jack anally. Hol-ee shit. They could have shown this scene through the side of the tent or something, but the romance runs for the hills when you see a cowboy spitting on his hand for lubrication.
The rest of the movie isn't bad at all, in fact, it is rather good. Just that one scene made me angry that somebody stabbed romance to death with an ice pick.
BONUS:
An even better concept than Brokeback Mountain's original premise:
Brokeback Mountain Parody.
NUMBER TWO:
Enemy at the Gates
What do you know?! Another movie that Ed Harris gets shot in!
The whole movie is... okay. All the Russians have English accents and Ed Harris is inexplicably German. But, they accurately portray the mythology that chases Vassiley Zaitsev (Jude Law), one of the best snipers that ever lived and what he did during World War 2. However, they decided that throwing in a sex scene between Vassiley and his female partner would be a good idea.
Now, you would think that this sex scene could have been done right. Two snipers, facing the yawning chasm of death decide that one last act of romance was all that they had left for each other. Instead, Zaitsev's partner (Rachel Weisz) gives up her virginity, squeezed tightly between two sleeping, old, fat Russian soldiers. Not only that, but Jude Law clamps his hand over her mouth while bumping and grinding. Rachel Weisz looks back with a horrified expression as he grits his teeth.
Rachel Weisz Sex Scene From "enemy At The Gates"
One of the least romantic pieces of shit ever caught on film. Somebody needs to jiggle the handle on this scene.
NUMBER ONE, the SHITTIEST romance scene of all time:
Blue Velvet
I am a big, fat, David Lynch fan. I love his movies as they so closely mirror what nightmares and lucid dreams are like. His most easily understood movie, Blue Velvet, is a nightmare. Frank Booth (Dennis Hopper) is a nightmarish mobster that, frankly, scares the shit out of most people.
This scene, the one above, is by far the most awful sex scene in any movie ever. The previous movies combined, in all of their crapitude, are an order of magnitude less crappy than the sex scene in this otherwise awesome movie. Watching Dennis Hopper shake for a few seconds, Blue Velvet muffling his own screams goes from terrifying, to funny, to WHY THE FUCK DID I RENT THIS FUCKING MOVIE YOU FUCKING FUCK FUCKERS!?
The only thing that makes this movie unique is that the rest of the movie is honestly awesome. Watching Beaver Cleaver jump head-first into a crime boss obsessed with S&M is mind-blowing. Unfortunately, David Lynch spares the audience no relief in making this movie, making it about as classy as dime-store pornography.
In all, watching these scenes has given me something to think about, something to look forward to. The day that I ask "is the love scene terrible?" of all movies.
15 September 2007
Worst Love Scenes Known to Man
Sometimes me and the other Shiznas will watch movies for entertainment purposes. It has become our goal to create a list of the top ten worst love scenes in movies and televisions ever witnessed by man. So far, we know that the movies Blue Velvet ("Mommy!") and Enemy at the Gates (sewers) are very high on our list. But, we need to know the ten worst sex scenes known to man.
To start out, we do have one resource to guide us, the Register. They put together a list of the worst sex scenes that they could possibly come up with and I have to admit, it is impressive. However, we noticed that our first two picks were not in the list, so we expect to put together an updated list with these movies in the next few weeks.
Give us time--it's hard watching terrible movies.
BONUS! Worst sex scene in Achewood.
To start out, we do have one resource to guide us, the Register. They put together a list of the worst sex scenes that they could possibly come up with and I have to admit, it is impressive. However, we noticed that our first two picks were not in the list, so we expect to put together an updated list with these movies in the next few weeks.
Give us time--it's hard watching terrible movies.
BONUS! Worst sex scene in Achewood.
Dateline Ain't got Shit on us
Years ago, me and my friends harassed people on Yahoo for the sake of our own entertainment. Think: To Catch a Predator gone postal. Doesn't matter who got in our way, we were teenage rhinoceroses of the Internet.Thankfully, we got it all out of our system long before Yahoo started tracking IPs, so please, do not follow our sad example!
Also, note that the names have been changed to protect the identities of the people who already earned untold suffering at our hands. We also changed our own names to protect these same people so that there would be no way to trace these back so these folks (assholes or not) won't get harassed.
shitsnaz: I like you.Let's see what happens when we have another Shitsnaz pose all Dateline stylee.
poorbastard: no u dont fuckin liar
shitsnaz: What the fuck did I lie about?
shitsnaz: It is not my fault you enjoy boy bands.
poorbastard: how much have u been cussin at me
shitsnaz: Did I hurt your feelings?
shitsnaz: HONK
shitsnaz: HONK HONK I'M A GOOSE!
poorbastard: i went into boy bands because i thought girls were here because i wanted to meet some
poorbastard: do u have a picLollercoaster. I like how he says “man” to address the guy pretending to be a girl. So many layers of humor.
shitsnaz2: yeah
poorbastard: can i see it
shitsnaz2: did you get it i am fat huh
poorbastard: u are the hottest girl i have ever seen
shitsnaz2: no
poorbastard: oh man will u be my internet girlfriendI need that printed on a shirt: “TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT ME!”
shitsnaz2: yeah sure
poorbastard: cool man u are really the prettiest girl i have ever seen baby
poorbastard: are ju there
poorbastard: u*
shitsnaz2: yeah i am talking to my friends
poorbastard: WOW I LIKE YOUR NAME
shitsnaz2: what
shitsnaz2: ??
poorbastard: ITS JENNY RIGHT
shitsnaz2: yeah
poorbastard: YEAH I LIKE YOUR NAME
poorbastard: TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT ME
poorbastard: WHAT FID THEY SAYJesus Christ.
shitsnaz2: nothing yet
poorbastard: U ARE SO PRETTY
shitsnaz2: they said you were KINKY
poorbastard: OH U ARE TOO
poorbastard: BABY
shitsnaz2: yes i know
poorbastard: COOL U HAVE A PRETTY FACE
shitsnaz2: thanx
poorbastard: I LOVE U
shitsnaz2: whatSomehow, I have to wonder if he was joking with the capslock key too.
shitsnaz2: whats up with this dude
shitsnaz: he is a chode
shitsnaz2: He said, “I LOVE U”
shitsnaz2: yeah i know
shitsnaz2: he is canadian
shitsnaz: that explains a lot
shitsnaz2: whatThe action never stops on my end!
poorbastard: JOKIN I BEARLY KNOW U
shitsnaz2: do you like sex
shitsnaz2: i do
poorbastard: DO U?
shitsnaz2: yes
poorbastard: ME TO
shitsnaz: SHIT!When I tried messaging our Poor Bastard, “Jenny” made me into all the woman anybody would ever need.
shitsnaz: dammit!
poorbastard: HE IS MEAN TO MEDaaaaamn! You ever get an Internet dude to be pretendin' to be a chick, it's rude at so many levels to go to work after they touch your foot-long-dick over the webbernet. You just don't do it, YOU JUST DON'T DO IT! Besides, it was about 10:00 PM on a Saturday when we found this guy.
shitsnaz2: he is a she
poorbastard: LWTS PRETEND
poorbastard: LETS/
poorbastard: LETS PRETEND KNOW
shitsnaz2: well lets get this started
poorbastard: GO FIRST
poorbastard: GO FIRST OK
shitsnaz2: ok i slowly start to touch your foot long dick
poorbastard: OK
poorbastard: I HAve to go
poorbastard: ok we will continue later
shitsnaz2: why
poorbastard: because i have work at 9 to 5 and i have to get ready
poorbastard: ok bye
poorbastard: baby
shitsnaz2: fuck you later
I had to have my rebuttal before he went to work. If I had to be a woman, hey, my friend could be a guy pretending to be a girl that is actually a guy.
shitsnaz: She said she wears the pants in the familyI came back with a different name, determined to have this fool abandon the net like he did the pet store when they left his cage open. I was a woman again.
poorbastard: what does that mean
shitsnaz: that means that she has a weenie
poorbastard: eww gross thats nasty?
poorbastard: tell her not to talk to me if a chick has a weenie
shitsnaz: Uh she kinda is a he
shitsnaz: With a short hair cut
poorbastard: ok well umm i will never talk to tjat girl again
poorbastard: that**
shitsnaz: oh because he is seriously busting up about you wanting his giney
poorbastard: giney?
shitsnaz: VAGINA
poorbastard: groos alright you are gross bye
poorbastard: g
poorbastard: gg
poorbastard: g
poorbastard: g
poorbastard: g
poorbastard: g
shitsnaz: I like sex
poorbastard: gross
shitsnaz: ONe last thing
poorbastard: what
shitsnaz: [Web address for the Goatse]
shitsnaz: here is something to remember us by!
poorbastard: thts gross u nasty ass bitch
shitsnaz: I'm sorry don't hit me daddy!
shitsnaz: Ok, I'm sorry here is the real picture
poorbastard: u are both gross leave me alone
tranny-shitsnaz: Jenny told me that Big Boss and Gray Fox wear the same pair of pants in the familyI did the same thing to this guy about six times after this... I decided to cut the heartache out.
poorbastard: wow thts surprising
tranny-shitsnaz: me?
poorbastard: what doe s that mean
tranny-shitsnaz: Nothing she just babbles a lot
poorbastard: ya i thought u would look like your sister
tranny-shitsnaz: No I got into a car accident and had to get cosmetic surgery
poorbastard: yeah right u serious
tranny-shitsnaz: yeah, drunk
tranny-shitsnaz: Do you think I'm fat?
poorbastard: are u lien again
poorbastard: tell the truth
tranny-shitsnaz: No you don't think that's me?
poorbastard: well u have tricked me before
tranny-shitsnaz: Listen, if you're going to tell me that I'm not pretty enough I don't want to talk to you
poorbastard: u are fine ok just thought u were jokin
tranny-shitsnaz: Your mom's a Nazi!KIND OF would be another good shirt slogan.
tranny-shitsnaz: And wears combat boots
tranny-shitsnaz: you piece of dog shit!
poorbastard: UM SEEMS LIKE YOURE THE MOTHER FUCKER SLUT BAG AND KEEP YOUR NASTY STORYS BECAUSE NO ONE GIVES A SHIT
tranny-shitsnaz: What the fuck is a slut bag?
poorbastard: YOU
tranny-shitsnaz: Is it like a douche or what?
poorbastard: KIND OF
poorbastard: OK NOW YOURE JUST BEING STUPIDIndeed, who is Mike? I managed to calm this guy down enough to have a little more fun. After all, it would be another 35 hours before he had to get to work. I also tried convincing him I had a sex-change operation to gain the affection of his father. That is an order of magnitude better than just screaming “mother fucker!” and closing the chat window.
poorbastard: GET A FUCKING LIFE
poorbastard: PLEASE AND LEAVE ME ALONE
tranny-shitsnaz: Just admit it your feet stink.
poorbastard: OK MY FEET STINK JUST ADMIT THAT YOURE A SLUT
tranny-shitsnaz: No fair I said I was first
poorbastard: OK SO WE AGREE THEN NOW GO SOMEWHERE
tranny-shitsnaz: Noooooooo!
tranny-shitsnaz: Mike.
poorbastard: WHY YOU HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO? WHO THE HELL IS MIKE?
poorbastard: SO U WERE JOKIN ABOUT THE WEENER and the surgery and stuffIn the mean time, we found somebody that loves Nascar. The conversation was short-lived.
tranny-shitsnaz: I'll hug you it will be
tranny-shitsnaz: fun
tranny-shitsnaz: fun
tranny-shitsnaz: fun
tranny-shitsnaz: fun
tranny-shitsnaz: fun
tranny-shitsnaz: fuckstick
tranny-shitsnaz: fun
tranny-shitsnaz: fun
tranny-shitsnaz: fun!
tranny-shitsnaz: Yes I was joking!
poorbastard: fuckstick or anything like that neans leave it
tranny-shitsnaz: oh sorry
tranny-shitsnaz: I wont do it any more
tranny-shitsnaz: and just to clarify I can't say
poorbastard: its ok so what do mu really look like
tranny-shitsnaz: fuck shit cunt fuck master cock bitch clucker mother fucker?
tranny-shitsnaz: hello you there?
tranny-shitsnaz: 1
tranny-shitsnaz: 2
tranny-shitsnaz: 3
tranny-shitsnaz: 4
poorbastard: YES U KNOW THTA WAS NOT U NO MORE GROSS STUFF IF U SHOW ME SOMETHIN GROSS AGAIN I WILL NEVER TALK TO U AGAIN OK
tranny-shitsnaz: He get's up again!
shitsnaz2: i am really a dude i got a cockAfter our Poor Bastard blocked us, we decided to stop pretending to be female. It got too awkward. So, we hit up the Fundi-teen room!
nascarlover: OOO REALY
shitsnaz2: yes yes
nascarlover: YOU A SHEMALE
Note: Shiznas are not theology scholars. In fact, I don't think we're really good at anything.
God-Rawks: nice name!We found she had no problem laughing at sexuality, but my one decent joke goes right over her head.
shitsnaz: Are you canadian?
God-Rawks: nope u?
shitsnaz: no
shitsnaz: does god rock?
God-Rawks: GOD rocks my world!!
God-Rawks: christian?
shitsnaz: Huh no
shitsnaz: Agnostic, that means I can't have babies.
God-Rawks: interested in becoming a christian?PEOPLE HATE ME!
shitsnaz: Maybe
God-Rawks: awesome
shitsnaz: no
God-Rawks: no?
shitsnaz: yes
God-Rawks: what?
shitsnaz: sorry
God-Rawks: ur confusing me
shitsnaz: what did you ask again?
shitsnaz: what do I get for being a christian?I continue asking about Jesus, even though I've drank beer with the guy.
God-Rawks: [You can go to Heaven.]
shitsnaz: What? Why would anybody wanna go there then?
God-Rawks: because whats in heaven is better than anything on earth u live forever with gods joy and mercy
shitsnaz: but no sex
God-Rawks: nope
shitsnaz: do you go into heaven if you have sex?
God-Rawks: sure
shitsnaz: so why don't you get it there?
God-Rawks: its just not part of heaven
shitsnaz: so what is up there anyway? birthday party? Swedish massage? M&Ms what?
God-Rawks: lol
God-Rawks: what do u mean?
shitsnaz: what is so great in heaven that I don't have here?
shitsnaz: Is jesus black?
God-Rawks: no hes not
God-Rawks: lol
shitsnaz: oh...
(By the way, FYI: He can't do the wine-to-water thing anymore, but he's like a master of blowing people's minds. All talkin' crazy shit about things and stuff.)
shitsnaz: Is God a woman?She invited it.
God-Rawks: nope
shitsnaz: So if he's the father of all earth who is the mother?
shitsnaz: Does she live in heaven?
God-Rawks: there is n mother
God-Rawks: hehe
God-Rawks: no
shitsnaz: So how did he make earth?
shitsnaz: Is the universe a massive toilet because that's the only thing I can think of.
God-Rawks: lol
God-Rawks: he just did
shitsnaz: You mean poo'd?When I push the envelope, I tend to use a bulldozer.
shitsnaz: He Poo'd and looked down and said "I think I'll call that thing earth!"
shitsnaz: It took him 7 days ya know
God-Rawks: lol
God-Rawks: ur funny
shitsnaz: wanna join my cult?
God-Rawks: what is it?
shitsnaz: Cult of the men with shaved genitals.
God-Rawks: wow thats interesting but im not a guy and no thanx
shitsnaz: oh
shitsnaz: there's only one entrance exam
God-Rawks: lol
God-Rawks: ok
shitsnaz: aight, fill out this entry form- never mind I lost it in the paper shreader
BUZZ!!!Nobody asks about my past anymore.
shitsnaz: MY PENIS IS ON FIRE!
God-Rawks: ok?
shitsnaz: sorry wrong window
shitsnaz: Can I tell you something?
God-Rawks: sure
shitsnaz: it burns when I pee.
God-Rawks: ok
God-Rawks: sorry
shitsnaz: yeah I was doing it on some dudes porch
God-Rawks: lol
God-Rawks: why were u peeing on someones porch?
shitsnaz: Because he fizznatched my bizznatching shiznat off the shizzle dizzle fizzkcing fuzzle buzzle pizzle
God-Rawks: oh
shitsnaz: yeah I know
God-Rawks: u forgot fohizzle
shitsnaz: Mizzle toe
shitsnaz: My mom moved there with the four guys working in the taco truck on Main.The only thing I did right when I was 16 is set aside my hard drive that had all of me and my friends' chat logs. I knew they would come in handy some day!
shitsnaz: One of them has a pegleg with a kick stand
God-Rawks: lol
God-Rawks: cool beans
shitsnaz: Don't fucking call them that they almost stabbed me when I said that
God-Rawks: hey now whatch ur lanugage
God-Rawks: ur talking to a lady
shitsnaz: I am?
God-Rawks: yep
God-Rawks: what did u think i was a guy?
shitsnaz: that never happens girls wont talk to me because of the warts
God-Rawks: ewwwwwwww
shitsnaz: yea it's hard to make money in this town
11 September 2007
Potentially the Best Game Concept Ever
Smash-TV meets Harijuku: It would be the best video game ever.
Unfortunately, I don't believe this is the "appropriate" way to play this game. Looking at descriptions, it is an erotic Japanese video game that, for whatever bizarre reason, has conventions to whip, bat, and throw things at severely anime-ish school girls.
Unfortunately, I don't believe this is the "appropriate" way to play this game. Looking at descriptions, it is an erotic Japanese video game that, for whatever bizarre reason, has conventions to whip, bat, and throw things at severely anime-ish school girls.
Coming Soon: Worst Chat Logs Known to Man
When I was in High School, it was before MySpace took off. Instead, the cool thing to do was to use instant messenger to network. Unfortunately me and the other shiznas didn't quite grasp the concept.
The Internet will never forgive us.
Shitsnaz: Is the universe a massive toilet because that's the only thing I can think of.I found a selection of chat logs that I will edit for content, non-comedic grammatical mistakes, the names and to make me look as good as possible.
godrocks: lol
godrocks: he just did
Shitsnaz: You mean poo'd?
Shitsnaz: He Poo'd and looked down and said "I think I'll call that thing 'Earth'!"
Shitsnaz: It took him 7 days ya know
The Internet will never forgive us.
09 August 2007
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